How To Work From Home During The Covid-19 Outbreak

Working Remote? Here Are Tips And Tricks To Make Working From Home More Productive.

For millennia, man has been plagued by plagues. For most of our history, a pandemic was an occasion to stop working for a few days, attach leeches, and sit fearfully with your family. Thankfully, we’ve come a long way since then.

Now, we have the technology to help people keep on working throughout even the most dilapidating emergencies. Covid-19 (AKA the Coronavirus, AKA the Wuhan Fluhan) continues to ravage the world, but many people are finding new ways to be productive while they work remotely.

Are you working from home (WFH) during the coronavirus? Follow these tips to stay sane and productive.

Set up a dedicated work from home space 

When you’re doing remote work, it is important to have a private and orderly space.  

- If possible, convert your spare room into a home office.

- If you don’t have a spare room, then make a dedicated workspace in your living room.

- If that is impossible, because you’re living in a minuscule two-bedroom apartment with your wife, a loud baby, and a housemate, then you might like to try working from your car.

- If that isn’t an option, because you don’t even have a car, there is a solution! Grab your laptop, sit on a chair in a corner, pop some headphones in, and throw a blanket over yourself. Hey presto, you’ve just built a customized productivity chamber.

Leave me alone!

Have respectful and honest conversations with your loved ones

Working from home is going to bring its share of changes. This might create discord with your family/housemates/squatter. To keep a harmonious home, have honest conversations about your professional needs. 

For example, instead of saying:

“If I lose this job, we will all starve and die in this godforsaken apartment, and it will be your fault”

Try saying:

“I would really like some time to work, please, so that I don’t get fired, and we don’t all starve and die in this godforsaken apartment, thank you”

Recreate an office atmosphere 

Over years of office employment, the human body builds up a series of Pavlovian responses to a workplace environment. If you want to increase your productivity, recreate an office atmosphere around the house.

- Replace the warm-light of your homely lamps with harsh blue fluorescent tubes.

- Play bland music, that you don’t like, at a low volume, at all times.

- If you have any dolls/statues/stuffed animals, set them up at an adjacent table as make-believe co-workers. Then, you can glare at them, because they’re probably laughing at you behind your back.

Don't have an office job? You can work from home, too!

Most jobs that are going ‘work from home’ are office jobs: clerks, computer programmers, copywriters. and that’s just the ones that begin with the letter C.

But did you know that there are other, non-office-type jobs you can do from home? For example:

Barista: Baristas spend all day making coffee, usually from beans that have been picked by exploited South Americans. Now that you can’t make coffee at a café, you’ll need to find new ways of making South Americans unhappy from the comfort of your own home. Try going on twitter and leaving them abusive messages.

Beekeeper: You’ve probably already purchased hazmat suits and face masks to cope with the coronavirus. Put those suits and masks to use with an exciting new business venture: make your home a hive. It should give you a real buzz!

Bricklayer: Finally, you have an opportunity to put up that new interior wall. You know, the one in the catacomb, where your enemy is chained up, whom you shall entomb. 

And that’s just the ones that begin with the letter B!

Optimise your workspace for your specific job

Different jobs have different needs. Make the most of your self-isolation by upping productivity in your role.

For example: Are you a lawyer/banker/stockbroker/salesman?

There’s no need to sneak off to the bathroom for cocaine breaks anymore! You can do that cocaine right off of your laptop, if you want, and save precious time. That’s more time for work, more time for cocaine, and more time to make South Americans unhappy.

Keep that office culture alive with e-meetings and phone calls

Working in person with colleagues has many benefits. You can talk to them about television programs, and sport, and maybe even go out to lunch together.

But the biggest upside to working side by side, in person? It helps you hide the dark and awful reality of your true self. You are twisted and cruel. Deep within you is a horrific shadow-being -- whom you run from, and whom you are.

Thankfully, the presence of workmates makes it easier to wear a mask of sanity and pleasantness.

So, while you’re working from home, check in with your colleagues for regular e-meetings and phone calls. Remember, they need you as much as you need them!